Lousing up my resolution

That New Year's resolution, not to whinge? Harumpph. Be careful what you pledge. The universe tests you every time. I remember writing, "I have nothing to complain about." It was back in the beautiful January summer of Sydney, with my new niece, wee Zoe, giggling nearby.

I still can't complain about anything big. But I might have to whinge a bit about a small thing, so small that it is almost invisible to the naked eye - the persistent, ever-breeding, unspeakable, shame-producing (which is just a shame really) louse. sigh. We obliterated the beasts out of Gillen's head over two weeks ago, furiously treating the whole family and house at the same time. But then, thinking that they were out of our heads, we happily put them out of our minds. And that was the mistake. I should have continued my chimpanzee grooming much longer than a few days. Those eggs live for two weeks. A few hatched and were found on Gillen's head a few days ago. I'm probably five loads of laundry away from the end of washing everything we have touched in the last week. But I'm half way there. I'm trying to think of it as an Ingalls prairie home spring cleaning.

We are staying in three different homes next week. We do not intend to bring any univited guests. So I have taken drastic measures. I have ordered (on a good friend's advice) the terminator! This is the big daddy of nit combs and I do believe that, this time, we will indeed overcome. That hair cut I am "about" to have? I may be going with a pixie cut, very soon, which would really not be flattering with this giant stye that I have in my eye at the moment. As if you weren't disgusted enough.

That's it. No more secrets. My eye is hiding a red-hot and we are sequestered, with mayonnaise-covered heads. The pesticide-filled regular treatment(RID) doesn't work well anymore, I read, as the bugs are becoming immune. Music to this organic families' ears and unburned heads. The Mayo suffocated them and tea tree oil, as well as many other oils and concoctions (and the terminator!) will continue to keep them in some other realm.

Keeping it stylish:-

Gillen didn't care to share his shower-cap-look ;)

Monday's farm photos (a day late)

Seeding season. Gillen and Jesse have decided to start their own gardens in our back yard at home this week. So they are ordering their own seeds as well as seeding at the farm. What was once a volley ball court is now one third of their farm. I'll take corn, herbs and watermelon over volleyball. At home, I get the firsts, not the seconds, and not only when they aren't sold out. Not that I'm complaining ;)


Arugula:Radicchio:
Puddles of spring:

Gillen and the squirrel

Last year, infuriated by the number of squirrels that were eating from his bird feeders, Gillen was ready to obliterate the entire species. Several times, I found him sitting in a tree with his BB gun. We had told him that he could not shoot the gun anywhere but at the farm but he got satisfaction just from aiming at them. I bought him a bottle of red fox urine (one of those things you never anticipate needing). He sprayed it around his garden. That seemed to help, until it rained.

And then, last fall, the Mayor of our tiny city, who happens to live diagonally across the street, commissioned Gillen and his friend Aaron to shoot the squirrels in his yard. He said that he would pay them a dollar a squirrel.

I was pretty shocked. Where did we live that our Mayor thought it was normal to offer this job up, casually, like the mowing of his lawn? Aside from that, how would we be able to eat that many squirrels? We had told Gillen that he had to eat any animal he killed, giving the animal a blessing of thanks first. How was Gillen going to cook them? Was I going to cook them? How did one de-skin a squirrel? I had visions of squirrels on the grill and then saw them, tails extended, lined up on long sticks over an open pit in the yard, the Mayor and his family slapping Gillen on the back while the squirrels' fat dripped into the fire. Do they have fat? Sounding very urban-yankee, I described the possible carnage, not to mention the karma. Nicolas sided with the Mayor. I was outnumbered.

What Nicolas suspected was that these two ten-year-olds were not the sharpshooters that they or I thought they were. How right he was. Despite hours spent stalking the Mayors' squirrels, over a few weeks, nary a one was killed. Gillen stopped talking so much about squirrel hatred. I suspected that he'd even begun to respect them and their squirrelly, sneaky, Speedy Gonzales ways.

Which brings me to yesterday, when a squirrel baby that had fallen into our chimney got out into the boys' room. Nicolas captured it in a yogurt container and gave it to Gillen to bring outside. Nicolas even suggested letting it go near Tuki. He really didn't want to be woken up by this guy's echoing screams in our chimney again the next morning.

Last year, Gillen created just such a scenario. He was sorely disappointed when the squirrel ran over Tuki's nose and successfully escaped down her back. But this year, the hunter has softened. Here is what he chose to do instead:He'd have kept it as a pet if the swarming fleas hadn't scared him off.

It's so appropriate that this baby squirrel showed up on the morning of Naomi's birthday. When she moved here from Australia for a few years, several years ago, she used to watch the squirrels with the same kind of excitement and affection that we would watch kangaroos.

Happy Birthday Naomi from the squirrels and us.

Unschooling entrepreneurs

Today began with a blind taste test. Gillen brought home one of his first turkey eggs from the farm yesterday. Having given the two other eggs he found to a chef in Atlanta to sample, he wanted to find out for himself how the turkeys' eggs stack up to those from the chicken.
Happily, I preferred the one on the left, laid by the turkey. He got very excited and made a chart in his new notebook in which to record how many eggs are laid by each of his four female turkeys, and on what day of the week.

In other entrepreneurial news, I got the beautiful buttons I ordered from Dagny and Andrew in the mail the other day. They came with a handwritten note hoping that I loved them. I do. And I love the note. It was very cool to find a product that I happen to really like, buttons with cool quotes, made by teen unschoolers hoping to make enough money to pay for Andrew's attendance at the Live and Learn Unschooling Conference in Sept. I wore them on my coat the first day.Then yesterday, Gillen asked for and wore the "What we are shouts louder than anything we say" button (I think he is trying to tell us something:) Today he agreed to give it back long enough for me to see how it looked with the other two on my purse. I am indeed wearing a very warm coat, inside of our house, due to the "signs of spring" being covered by a layer of white hail this morning. It's cold!

There was an entrepreneurial fair at the Live and Learn conference in N.C. last year. Mindy's kids sold their duct-tape wallets, cell phone cases and head bands. There were rocks painted by Hayden (we have a welcome sign he made, welcoming birds to Gillen's garden), shrinky-dink magnets made by Tabitha, and lots of other amazing kid and parent creations as well.

Jesse has been busy this week making a new Pokemon-like card game that he wants to sell at this year's fair. I don't know that he will want to go the distance to finish it and reproduce it, but he has had a blast making it and talking about it this week.

Here is Dagny and Andrew's etsy shop where you can buy buttons, monster bags, and guitar string bracelets.

Dates With the Kids

Today, Nicolas took Gillen with him on produce deliveries in Atlanta. On the way home, Nicolas bought himself a new notebook (his last one had been duct-taped together one too many times) and Gillen decided that it was time to move his own duck/turkey(and someday quail) business into a three-ring notebook as well. He had been using a small handmade wooden book that has seven pages and was made at a book fair. I loved it very much but can see that it has been outgrown. Here they were tonight, while I made space around them to serve dinner, excitedly filling in facts and figures in order to track the progress of their businesses, taking pride in the order of their lists, labeling their new dividers, sharing their numbers. I am so glad that Gillen had Nicolas for this endeavor.
On the other side of the family, on long rides to and from his new Thursday classes, Jesse and I had the chance to do what we do best together - have long, meandering conversations that move from how our minds work to Calvin and Hobbes,to Elizabeth the First's father's many wives... to a theory about islands to the new smoothie-filled cupcake that Jesse plans to "invent" later this week. He asked questions, made the connections, added the seven year old humor and practiced his newly learned crochet stitches while we babbled, no one there to roll their eyes or imply that we should be quiet by raising the radio volume.

Anyone remember my less than stellar moment on the day when it was time to sign up for these classes - where I lost sight of the value of Renaissance-living-history and crochet, an hour's drive away, or rather, thought I could teach them right here? Especially if Gillen didn't want to take classes as well...

Thank goodness my kids know what they need and know how to get it. It really seems to work when we keep our agenda out of their way, trust, and give them the resources they need when they need them.

signs of spring?

I'm not taking any of this too seriously, but it's looking good:

It's 5pm and Jesse and his friend Logan are jumping on the trampoline, without shirts.

On their way out, I didn't run behind them to make sure the door was closed the second they went through it. I even left it open, for several minutes.
Creatures were discovered to be coming out of hibernation.
Hazel was ready to take off into the newly cloudless bright blue sky and didn't even pack a hat.
Ryan decided to try an Ollie, having never ridden a board before. Spring can make you brazen that way.
There was playing in a field (just last week we met in a gym to avoid the gale force winds). Yesterday, children huddled together could have been mistaken as a need for warmth, but today, they emerged running and tagging and tackling in some newly created play-group game. There was a need for water as opposed to hot chocolate.
"...live!die
(forever is now)
and dance you suddenly blossoming tree
-i'll sing"

-ee cummings

tagged

I was tagged by Kaat, a good mama and a Belgian who lives in Brookline, MA (a place I spent lots of time as a kid).

A - Available?: As much as I can be, but there is a part of me that stays tucked away. I'm more particular about being available, as I get older.


B-Best friend: Not one any more. Several women are very important to me.

C-Cake or Pie?:Both! Though it is much easier to make a chocolate cake than a pecan pie so that gets eaten more often.

D-Drink of choice: Belgian beer; coffee

E-Essential thing used everyday: this old laptop (which I will just keep updating and won't allow to die)

F-Favorite color: periwinkle blue, among so many others...

G-Gummi bears or worms:These are Nicolas' favorite so I would pass them on to him. They don't contain chocolate so it's not difficult.

H-Hometown: Boston, Mass.

I-Indulgence: Books, art supplies

J-January or February: February. But not super fond of either. Though this January was a major exception.

K-Kids and names: Gillen and Jesse (bad boy cowboy names for some reason). If we'd had a girl, she would have been "Sophie". Now, I think I'd consider "Nora" or something really romantic and unusual like "Dagny".

L-Life:is not a dress rehearsal. Though I sometimes act like it is.

M-Marriage date: October 15, 1995

N-Number of siblings: One brother and one sister.

O-Oranges or apples: Fuji Apples. We eat all fruit seasonally, but since these apples aren't at all local, we eat them less now.

P-Phobias:Used to be flying, until a fear of giving my kids this fear shook me out of it. Now, just rats. They have not inherited this one, for some reason. When they see me on furniture screaming over a mouse (small rats) they laugh. What's up with that?

Q-Quote: 1) Anais Nin : "And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." 2) "It's practically impossible to look at a penguin and feel angry." — Joe Moore

R-Reason to smile: This moment last week at the oscars; this hilarious video(you've probably seen it - the I'm f-ing Ben Afflek video?); this Flight of the Conchords song. But mostly, my boys' innocence and their joy over little things.

S-Season: Fall.

T-Tag three people: Jesse, Gillen and Sara.

U-Unknown fact about me: I am from another planet. Oh, and I am about to cut my hair short, "about" used very vaguely here.

V-Vegetable you do not like: Brussel sprouts (well, except when my farmer from Brussels grew them - he even made these taste good)

W-Worst habit: Reacting before taking a breath, but this has gotten much better over the past few years. Another is getting side-tracked.

X-x-rays you have had:foot (I stepped on a needle as a teen and it moved its way into my blood stream), and gums.

Y-Your favorite food: Maine lobster. The foods that I actually get to eat more than once a decade - spare-ribs from our local friends' hogs, lox, spinach, okra, Thai food, sushi, homemade chicken soup. I am going to go eat everything in the kitchen now.

Z-Zodiac: Sagittarius.

Monday Farm Photos

Meet "Fighter":
That hornlike growth on his head is actually, my son tells me, his beard. I watched as it did indeed fall down into the beard position when he was all puffed up in masculine display.
editor's note: Danielle, our experienced animal farmer (among so many other things) friend, has helped us out - what Gillen called the "beard" is actually the "snood". Makes much more sense! Whatever it is, it is funny that it falls to the side when he's trying to look all big and important:
He is one of three new turkeys that Gillen got yesterday - two Toms and one female. So as not to cross-breed the Bourbon Reds with the Bronzes he has them in different coops for the duration of the breeding season. It is much more peaceful as a result. "Fighter" wasn't too friendly while he had a male in his territory. The new Bourbon Red female turkey has been named "Zac" to go with "Cody", the Bourbon Red female that he got as a chick. Look at how big that chick is now:Can I really eat these guys' babies in November? Well, yes actually. But I might not be taking their portraits or learning their names.

Conscious of Their Roots

Southern roots, that is. This weekend, we got to visit with two talented Georgia natives who have had success in their fields and are grounded in a genuine concern for what matters.

As I mentioned in the last post, at the GO conference we got to eat dinner with Janisse Ray, winner of several book awards, whose poetic, wry memoirs have moved me deeply. She grew up in a small town in the south from which she couldn't wait to get away. She became an environmentalist and a writer, living as far away as Montana, before she felt pulled home to reconnect with her roots. Her literary non-fiction and activism has helped to bring more attention to the plight of her beloved Long-Leaf Pine and to other endangered plant and animal species. If I had my copies of her books, I would be quoting from them in order to let her writing inspire you to immediately put her on your list of writers to read. But as with my Annie Lamott and Kingsolver books, I've lent them to friends. My favorite was Wild Card Quilt but Ecology of a Southern Cracker is also laugh and cry out loud wonderful, and got more acclaim. I loved finding out the other night that she too was inspired to change the way she eats by the Weston Price diet and that her son goes to my alma-mater. It was wonderful to hear her read her poem and to talk about literary non-fiction. I even talked about one day maybe writing it myself (though then I'd have to write well, with a "literary" bent rather than a neurotic, improv., stream-of-consciousness-that-serves-as-my-therapy-bent, so maybe later).

The other southern-born celebrity of our weekend was Kyle Chandler, a friend of Nicolas' from high school. He, and his fantastically beautiful and interesting wife Katherine, came all the way from L.A. for two days in order to help raise money for a center that gives help to kids at risk for drug addiction. It was a small gathering at an auction in a rural GA town. He had brought hats and t-shirts from his hit tv show, "Friday Night Lights", and the big item of the night, which his wife won, was dinner with this "star." He got to see some buddies from high school, but he was truly there for the cause. He's not just really pretty (even more so than on screen) he is also a great father, husband and friend. And his show, despite having some football in it, is really a fantastically written,directed and acted drama about relationships, with good music and brilliant, moody lighting. It is the only series that Nicolas and I watch regularly without waiting for it to be on netflix (though Nicolas would love it to have more football;)

The thing that Janisse and Kyle share besides being down to earth and having big hearts is a beautiful southern accent (they're not all created equal) that just melts my yankee side and makes me more proud to call Georgia home.

12 hours later, I have visited my talented friend Stephanie's blog and have seen her latest creation, a video about a local southern restauranteur doing the right thing with local organics and making really delicious food in a very hip atmosphere. Stephanie is an amazing writer and photographer (among other things) and has that same sensual, mesmerizing southern accent, so I had to add her to the list. Listen to her on her video and let her voice welcome you up onto a big southern porch with Magnolia blossoms all around you, a sweating glass of lemonade waiting for you in your smiling hostess' outstretched hand.

Some bragging about Helen and Nicolas

Last night, at the GA organics conference, the annual Land Stewardship Award was presented to my mother in law, Helen, and to Nicolas, for their many years of tireless work for organics in Georgia. Nicolas and I had known that Helen was getting the award but didn't know about Nicolas! I got that news once we got there, yesterday morning. I'm glad that the kids and I took off and spent the day in Chattanooga, TN with Mindy and her kids (which was so wonderful) or Nicolas would have read the news on our faces. The kids and I were so excited.

Michael Tuohy, a very successful Atlanta chef who is very committed to local organics gave a wonderful introduction about Nicolas and his mom before presenting them with the award. I can not remember any of it. I was too busy watching them in order to witness that amazing moment when they would recognize that Michael was talking about them.

The GA organics conference has gotten huge! There were 650 people signed up for this one and it was sold out; people were turned away. Organics in GA has come a long way. I believe the credit is partly due to the amazing writing of people like Michael Pollan, who wrote Omnivore's Dilemma and Barbara Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Mineral. Good writing about the environment, when it isn't preachy, is powerful. There is a writer who changed forever the way I think about the ecology of the South. Her name is Janisse Ray and she was the keynote speaker at the GO conference two years ago. Last night, since she was starting the night's proceedings off by reading one of her poems, she was seated at the front table, as were we...! My excitement over talking to Janisse Ray was almost as huge as that I was feeling over Nicolas and Helen winning an award. It was quite a night. I'll have to write about Janisse in another post.

The key note speaker was the CEO (he calls himself CEIO) of the co-op that produces Organic Valley products. He was about the most down to earth and genuine CEO that I have ever heard speak. Sure, I would like to keep everything local and definitely not import from the other side of the world. He does all he can to promote local but sees that we aren't there yet and he brought up some good points about helping the cultures of those producing organic for us in China or South America. This guy's co-op is the real deal, especially as compared to that other big dairy business - Horizon.

Here is a page from GA Organics web site that has a great 5 minute video about organics (you can hear Nicolas, and see our farmers' market and farm in a few shots).

Stuff

I received a really great link from my friend Persephone to this short film , which is all about the reason there is so much stuff, especially here in the U.S. It's about what goes into making that stuff (not just about the slave labor, also the actual very harmful chemicals that are in our stuff), why we buy that stuff and what alternatives we have.

Writing about it does it no justice, at all. It is such an intelligent, clear, clever film. I hope you can grab a few minutes to watch it. It definitely gave me pause, as I sat at my newly purchased Target computer desk, watching it. It's not like I didn't know that it was not the best choice to go with new Target stuff. I had first tried to get a desk on Craig's list and at the thrift store and when I couldn't I had broken down and bought one on sale, at Target. After watching this film, I will try for even a few weeks longer on Craig's List and will travel a bit further to go to yard sales before buying the other thing we have on our list - a drafting table. I'll also try to wait long enough to realize that we can live without it.

Danielle had a very informative post recently about ways to change the way we deal with our stuff. Or, more eloquently put - how to reduce our carbon imprint on the planet.

Lisa Heyman's passing

It happened two days ago. Lisa Heyman was an unschooling mother, in NY state. I didn't know Lisa or her family well but did have a few good conversations with her, and I bonded over a love of the Red Sox with her husband at the conference picnic three years ago in St. Louis. Their daughters are known by anyone who attended a Live and Learn conference. They are vital, outgoing, radiant girls, always surrounded by lots of kids. They perform with so much joy at the talent shows. I watched Lisa's husband, Larry, and their daughter Fire (self-named) climb the Alpine Tower with us, fearlessly.

But the memory that keeps coming back to me is of Lisa's smiling face answering my question about how she had dyed parts of her hair pink. I was so taken by that smile, and by her shining, sunlit hair. We were standing at the tye-dye activity on the first day of last summer's conference. I have thought of that conversation over the past few months and have wondered how she was doing on her path to wellness. It never occurred to me that her path could be ending so soon. As with Hannah Jenner, who died a few years ago this week, the suddenness of it is literally breath taking. And, it was the same progression with my mother - difficult to diagnose illness and an unexpected sudden end.

I am very conscious today, as I was yesterday, of how short and precious our time together can be. At the same time, in moments, I am also self-righteously whingeing about the fact that we don't all die in our sleep at the age of 99. But mostly, I am sending love to Lisa's family. May Lisa's gentle strength be with them.

Monday farm photos

There were lots of vegetable and bee hive photos, but I am feeling aware of how brief our time is here and felt like focusing in on the kids.

Every moment is brilliant when we are aware of how few moments there may be. My family is fine but there have been too many reminders of this truth in the unschooling community over the past few years.

Today, I'm cherishing the moments.

Gillen's ducks have been swimming in a puddle by the road instead of in the baby pool. He lost one because of this last week. So we gave them a bigger pool and he tried to fill the puddle part way with rocks gathered around the farm.
Still plenty of time to just hang...
Jesse magnifying the piece of blue chalk that he found after a fossil dig by the barn. Lately he is back into dinosaurs and talks about wanting to go to Mongolia to look for the bones of Basilasaurus (one of the first whales, apparently).
Carrying a "holy wood staff" that he later whittled, ending up with only a foot long piece of the "wood's core" by the time he was finished. Holy wood? Where did that come from? So interesting, that. I'll have to go on my own dig.

On Whingeing and Worrying and hope

Inspired by the laid-back Aussies, I committed to no whingeing this year (their word for whining) and have not had much trouble with this resolution, though it got challenging this past week. Nicolas was struck down by an evil respiratory flue and Gillen's head was visited by uninvited little squatters - yes, lice. So it was a week of shampoos, shower caps, laundry, serving, cleaning, playing nurse and then more cleaning.

Nicolas is not very happy when he is forced to stop. The kids weren't super excited about wearing shower caps over the homeopathic lice lotion for four hours instead of going to our weekly playgroup...

Those more challenging moments are just "unlucky" as Gillens' soccer coach used to say. It is tempting to whinge, in a cynical, caustic manner like the lead character on "House" that I love so much (great series that we are watching on netflix). But instead, I'm going to focus on the silver lining:

-The hour when Gillen, Jesse and I groomed one another like chimpanzees in the hunt for lice. Maybe the fact that we only found them (and not many) on Gillen's head helped make this sweet rather than horrifying.

-Gillen's shorter hair. He agreed to let me cut a few inches off of the back and sides in order to have less hair to treat. Despite my chop job with bad scissors, it looks amazing.

-There was lots of very cool lego and playmobil creating upstairs. Jesse's solar-powered town and Gillen's dairy and pineapple farm bartered with one another amicably, while I got to read "Pippi Longstocking" to the builders during breaks in their negotiations. These moments in lego/playmobil land with a good book make me so happy.

-Seeing the small-budget film "Once" (that I talked about last year) win best song at the Oscars. It is so hopeful when a low-budget simple expression can move so many. That's what the film makers' song ("Falling Slowly") is about.

-Recognizing that I am really not a whinger, but am a worrier. So I won't have a hard time with this year's resolution; though it may be time to get real and take on that other Aussie inspiration - "no worries".

-We are heading into a new week.

Six Things I Love About Bhu

I was tagged by Rachel, an unschooling mom in Chicago. I first connected with Rachel when she posted "The Lanyard" (a poem that I like; you can listen to it here) on the Live and Learn conference list last year. I really like reading about her adventures with her sons.

The rules:

(1) Link to the person that tagged you.

(2) Post the rules on your blog.

(3) Share six things you love about a friend, doesn’t have to be the same friend who wrote about you, really!

(4) Tag other random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.

This gives me a great opportunity to ramble on about one of my best friends - my sister Bhu. She was born when I was fourteen so she is much younger, hipper and cuter than I am (I am not being self-deprecating here, Bhu, I am just stating the facts ;). At the same time she is wiser than I am and is a constant source of inspiration. Better stop gushing and start listing...

1. Bhu is immensely generous. I posted about one example of this last summer. Here visiting, on her Birthday week, she gave me her Nikon D70!!!

This wouldn't be as extraordinary if she were rich, and was swimming in extra SLR digital cameras, but she is not. She is a photographer who is just starting her own business and is married to a just-starting-out teacher (who, by the way, is another thing I like about her). The plan had been that I would buy it from her. Instead, standing in my kitchen listening to me while I did the dishes (not easy to get to do dishes when she is around), her beautiful Julia Roberts lips curved into an anticipatory smile and she handed me the camera. I tried to pay. She refused to let me. I argued, for days. She is one stubborn girl.

Before shooting many of the pictures that I have taken since that day (and there have been thousands) I have thought about Bhu and that generous act.

2. She is sooo talented at so very many things. She sews, draws, paints, creates amazing gifts for all the kids, and is one hell of a photographer. Check out her photography web site. Be sure to click on the "project" section. Look for the series of photos that she took in a Montana taxidermist's office. I ask you? See the joy in those fascinating peoples' faces juxtaposed against their lovingly stuffed dead animals? Hauntingly good.

3. Her courage and her staying power. I love that she prizes a search for the truth, and service, over comfort and complacency. I want to be just like her when I grow up.

4. Her love of family. She gets all excited about coming home for those reunion Christmases when our family all gathers here. She is as excited about seeing all of us as I ever was about Santa. She will never tell her kids about Santa. Too much integrity for that. She is grounded in the magic of real relationship.

5. I love dancing with this girl. When my boys were small and I rarely got a shower, let alone a night out, she convinced me to meet her for sushi and dancing. I love that she is as happy and wild as I am when dancing. I hope we'll still be able to do this together when she is the one with wee ones. It would be great to live closer and have a weekly dance date now.

6. I love her authenticity, but also appreciate her ability to creatively add some sugar (unlike me she grew up in the south) or hot sauce as needed to make the truth more interesting to digest.

7. (I have to add one more) I love that fifteen years ago when she was a slightly annoying (to impatient me) teenager, I had no idea that we could ever become this. You can choose your friends and not your family. I am very lucky to have family that I choose to call my friends.

I tag two unschooling women who are super wise and so much fun to hang out with - Danielle (I choose to ignore your tag reticence) and Mindy.

Eclipsing the rest of it

All kinds of things happened today - scary, funny, creepy-crawly. Seemed like big stuff until we were all gathered outside, in the brightness of a full moon, watching "our" planet's reflection slowly creep its way across the moon, putting our moments into perspective. Pretty cool. Gillen took pictures of the middle part of the process and will post them on his blog tomorrow.

Did any of you get to see it? The next complete eclipse is in 2010.

Monday Farm Photos

Gillen released his new ducks from their pen yesterday. After five days they become used to the place where they are being fed and, in theory, don't fly away. They flew a bit. But mostly they just waddled around in a tight knit group, exploring. They must be pretty content with their new digs as the males have already started pouncing upon the females. Let the breeding begin!
Their quacking conference by the compost gave me a chance to get a close-up.
Tender new kale to eat tonight (with kielbasa,potatoes and muenster cheese in a casserole).
The parsley smells like spring.
The broccoli that we ate last night with farm eggs and cheese for dinner.

Kids' Art

Since returning from Australia, we have continued our pre-Christmas tendency to take over the dining room table, once in a while cleaning it up and putting the table cloth back on for dinner; but mostly, covering it with every craft material we own to make valentines and other art. Nicolas has decided that it is time to get a table where our arts and crafts can live. No worries! We are happy to oblige. So this will be the last shot of us doing art where we eat:This is Gillen's entry for a GA bird drawing competition:
The first in a series of murals that Jesse decided to create this past week. Hot Chocolate and good music were a few of his inspirations. I can't help feeling that "Across the Universe", what he saw of it, played a part as well.
Yesterday, Jesse followed through on his plan to go on a "magic quest." We couldn't find the magnifying glass that he had requested but I did give him a small container that we have that holds and magnifies bugs. He eagerly set off, with the woods as his planned destination. Gillen and I watched as he spent about twenty minutes wandering around our back yard. He came back with his magnifying cup filled with water from the frog pond, nothing in it visible to the naked eye. Looking through the lens, there were tiny bits of life moving about.

"Magic," proclaimed Jesse. "I don't have to go further than the yard to see magic!"

He added moss to the list , "since most people think it is straight and the fact is that it is furled like a Fern".

He says that he can't forgive us about our Santa lie. But at the same time he is glad that he's been inspired to look for magic more closely.

The events of the past few days reminded me of this quote.

"Kids are God. Pay Attention"
-Viggo Mortensen

Jesse's Broken Heart

It is the end of a long afternoon of tears. Gillen went to the farm after lunch so Jesse and I were here alone. We were in the kitchen. Jesse, in his footed polar bear pjs, sat on a short step stool that we have in there and asked me, "What is life? What is the reason? Like before all of it, before the big bang?"

History was repeating itself. Immediately I was with my mother in our kitchen in Boston. I was about seven, like Jesse, and was sitting on a tall stool asking her about life while she cooked. I remembered how she had laughed but had tried to answer me.

I didn't laugh. I told Jesse that I had the same questions at his age and asked him what he thought life was about.

He said he thought it was about magic, and then he thought to himself for a bit.

"God is not something that you can see."

I nodded. "Those who think God is real know him because of faith," I said. Faith wasn't an entirely new concept to him.

"I think that Santa is a God," he said, very seriously. "We do know he is there, and is magic, so he is a God..."

I stopped him there.

"Jesse, I have to tell you something ."

And while explaining the reality of Santa, I watched the magic and faith seep out of Jesse. He was devastated. Gillen hadn't been, when he was told the truth by his cousin a few years ago. I know that a lot of kids take it in stride. But it had been hard for me. And it was so much harder for Jesse. He has been going back and forth between anger and sadness for hours. Several times he has screamed at me, "It is all about a lie! How could you do this..." his eyes showing how betrayed he feels. He said that we should have told him long ago while he was still young enough not to really get it (meaning not yet believe in so much imaginative detail, I suspect).

I didn't try to excuse the lie or to fix what he was feeling. I just tried to be there for him. I apologized. He didn't want me to be too near, but he did keep coming back to me to cry and talk out his feelings. He talked about how much it had meant that Santa was proof that there was magic. : (

I know that he will find magic again in his life - a first kiss, or a miraculous encounter, or witnessing his child's birth. But right now, I feel like I personally slayed the big guy. I wish that I could take it all back.

What a Valentine.

Later: Jesse and I managed to end our day with giggles and more deep conversation about magic. He talked about specific characters he has made up from his Fight to the Finish game but that they aren't "magic". I tried to explain that yes they are because he is the magic. He is going on a "magic expedition" tomorrow with a magnifying glass and binoculars (because it may be really, really small, or far away).

Along with Santa, the tooth fairy and the easter bunny (I hadn't thought he still put much stock in that one) died today as well. What a lot to lose.

Following Their Lead

So, there are lots of new projects going on around here. And they were begun mostly as a result of the kids' own initiative. This unschooling thing makes for self-driven people, at least this month. ;) (Though, I have learned, of late, that the fallow periods are just as important.)

After doing his own research, Gillen has added a new species into his breeding business at the farm. He called around and found someone nearby who was selling the Muscovy Ducks that he was seeking. If all goes according to plan he should have lots of ducks in a few years.

Jesse is about to begin a Living History Class about the Renaissance, taught by an amazing teacher at a homeschool class coop an hour away from us. Both boys took a few classes there last year and the commute, every week, kind of discouraged me from reminding them about the possibilities this year. Thank goodness I have a mindful, strewing fairy in me who bypasses my selfish needs. Jesse read about the living history class. They get to become a Renaissance character, put on a play, cook food of the period, and Jesse knows a boy who took it last year and loved it. He was sold. I was excited for him.

And then, two days ago, it was 8:30am and it was time to get my sorry self out of bed and into the car with him to sign up for classes, an hour away. I hadn't slept the night before (insomnia) and I called him into the bed for a meeting.

"Jesse, you know, if we do these classes, I am going to be less excited about going into Atlanta on other days for field trips or to see your friends. It is a long way."

He groaned and threw his body off the bed in response.

And still, the good unschooling mama part of me lay dormant, overtaken by selfish, sleep-deprived me-witch.

"What if I taught a Renaissance living history class here? I love the Renaissance. I was a theater director. We could invite all of your local friends? No driving?..."

The face was back next to mine, his big brown eyes filled with tears. The better part of me woke up with a start. I hugged him, drank a lot of coffee and drove him to sign up for the class. We are also taking needlework, together, with the same woman who taught Gillen to crochet last year. I'm looking for a fun knitting or crochet project to bring to the class.

And the list goes on - Jesse is working on learning all of Hannah Montana's lyrics; Gillen is creating a bird drawing for a local contest (to be printed on the t-shirt that is given to all participants in the youth birding competition that he does every year); Jesse read one sentence about war in the fantasy series that he is reading - "Keys to the Kingdom", and has decided to write a letter to the president (well, now he has decided to write to the next president, when we get one) to encourage him to stop war; their lego kingdom is growing every day...

I am more deeply following my own interests, next to them, inspired by their initiative.