Commitments

"When you become your promises and your commitments you can't indulge in your preferences and opinions." -Purna Steinitz.

I made several commitments on Sunday - to blog (actually, that one was to use less space between sentences, but I am just proud that I am leaving less time between posts); to meditate, to cook from scratch, to exercise, to create every day and to farm more.

I didn't meditate even once. Sleep was a big issue this week. I did make kefir every day and cooked with my home made pot of beans and rice. I did not exercise with my new Pilates or belly dance DVDs but soo wanted to, just couldn't get past my aching body. I did however dance with Jesse to Mario Bros. Dance Dance Revolution game - the best reason, in my opinion, to have a Game Cube. I didn't create every day but did most days - crocheting for the most part. A friend is coming over soon and we are supposedly going to scrapbook (didn't commit to it or anything : 0). We both had difficult weeks with the more challenging of our separate boys and we may just drink beer and talk!

The commitment that mattered the most was the one I made to myself to farm more, and that I did. Today, with a sore neck and headache I went to the farm and picked herbs for a few hours. I really wanted to be checking out the new Goodwill that just opened. I wanted to NOT deal with Jesse not wanting to farm. But we went and it was great, despite the aches. I love the smell of a basket filled with one herb - Lemon Thyme or Marjoram or Chocolate Mint... I picked more than was needed for the order so that I could dry a bunch for us. If I can become this commitment, to help Nicolas at the farm, my senses (even if it's just a sense of exhaustion!) will take over egotistical, rambliing thoughts. I can serve something bigger. And Jesse left saying, "I really liked being there today."

It feels so good to follow through on a commitment. Why is it so hard for me to "just do it" so much of the time. The thing that is so challenging in one of my sons is also true of me - I am passionate and fiery and emotional. This can be what drives us to fantastic creativity or imagining and planning big projects or most often just the hilarious (to us) self-entertaining we do... But it can also create huge reactions and loudly proclaimed opinions and self-indulgent emotions. It can take us away from the simple task at hand, from the commitment - from crossing the finish line.

Finding clarity while in the fire (we are a Leo and Sagittarious) - that is our challenge. Breathe more, react less.