So, it's been a while...

I realize how backwards I am.

I wait impatiently for DSL so that I can do more blogging and have more fun with my digital photos. I get the DSL. There is cause for celebration. A new sense of control over my life - no more losing precious minutes, hours,days(when photos are involved) to dial-up. I can join the hip mama bloggers and remember our family's life by collecting moments here...

And then. I don't really know. It was fall and my kids were both old enough to want to go to more field trips. Gillen and I went, just the two of us, to a birding festival on Jekyll Island. Jesse went to Yu Gi oh tournaments at the mall (his favorite field trip). I don't really remember what else as I don't have it blogged! We were all outside a lot. Which is all to say.. nothing, really. I could have blogged about all of it. But I started thinking I needed to scrap book it all instead. Use the glue, stamps, paint, Basic Grey ribbbon and paper that I love so much. And I read lots of scrapbooking books and made some fun albums for nephews and my brother and my FIL, and I didn't do any for us. I made lots of sketches. I bought the cool supplies (always on sale, but too many) and used them only to make cards. In the end, I realized that blogging had not beeen my one obstacle to scrapbooking, as I still wasn't doing it.

Plus, I had always thought that is was important to catch up. An overwheliming prospect really . And, I now believe, a misguided notion. Will anyone, including me, be forever changed (or even notice) if I don't get to adding the photos of Jesse at MOMA or on the carousel in NYC? NO. 'Catching up' is a dangerous concept that leads me to guilt and perfectionism and sleeplessness.

I am choosing simplicity. Honesty and simplicity. I'm compelled to not edit the lazy, neurotic or ugly out anymore, despite my fears about family reading here.

I like this super sparce new layout I chose for the blog. "Clean and Simple -the sequel". That is the name of the scrapbooking book I just read by Cathy Zielske. I am so inspired by both of her books and by her blog! It is in her book that I learned about how much easier it is to read narrow columns, like in a magazine. AND she convinced me to give up two spaces between sentences (she is talking about on scrapbook layouts but I am trying it here). It's the little things that are getting me excited today.

Some other new commitments that I hope will work for me -

1) Working out again. It's been a year and I am feeling my age. I have two new DVDs - pilates and belly dancing, and of course my old faithful Firm DVDs.

2) Meditating,every day - this one gives me more patience and wisdom with my guys.

3) Doing something creative every day - this is for my sanity.

4) Keeping up even more with the cooking-it-all-from-scratch with a few needed restaurant visits now and then - don't want to become a fanatic or anything.

5) Allow my inner hip-hop goddess to express herself all over the house, at any time of day,, in any type of attire, no matter what other children or adults may be visiting.

6) Farm more. Nicolas is reaching twelve year burn-out as a farmer. It is so much work. We just had a freeze in April. It doesn't bring in as much money as he wishes it did. But the biggest thing is how much dang hard work it is. His body is tired. So I am going to help more there with the kids and to do more markets. I am going to return to my old role of farmer's wife. I am feeling so Eva Gabor rebellious right now, with "Green Acres" running through my head. But the babes are not babes any more and we CAN find the time.